Silly, silly cousins...

Today cousin Macy and Allison came over for a "date". I don't know who the date was for exactly..the kids or the moms. =) We all had fun a lot of fun and it was a nice distraction from the spring break boredom that has been permeating our house. Jayden spilled water on his shirt during lunch and decided to take it off (God-forbid he wear anything even remotely wet!) After he decided that he wanted to remain shirtless and Allison commented on his "cute little body" it wasn't long until everyone joined in the shirtlessness. I tried to take some cute pics of them, but the boys were not cooperating in the smiling department, so unfortunately the silly poses were the ones that turned out the cutest. Anyway, everyone had a good day and even Allison felt good... for a while anyway. We'd love to have you again, Macy..come whenever you want!

Spring Break Surprise

Ok, we'll see how far I get through this before a baby starts crying...

So, yesterday I got up early and forced Bryce out of bed. He is like me and does not like to wake up early. He got ready for school and then proceeded to wait outside for the bus. The bus did not come..he waited a little longer...the bus did not come. Finally after about waiting for 20 or so minutes, I decided to call the school because occasionally the bus has a problem and runs a bit late. There was no answer at the school. Then it occurred to me that yesterday was the beginning of parent/teacher conferences. Although I didn't realize that there wouldn't be school because of them. (Can you say, "duh"?) So our spring break started 3 days early..I started to panic a little because I have been dreading an entire 5 days of caring for all 5 children all day all alone. I mean, I love my kids..all of them..but I also love school. Things tend to get more difficult when they are all here, all day. But thankfully for me, the day before my mother-in-law volunteered to come to my house (I didn't even ask!) and give me the day off. Which really helped with my emotional response to the spring break surprise. I got to get out of the house for several hours all by myself and do things that I have been putting off. I also got to browse through stores without a time limit which is not a normal occurrence. I got to go out to lunch with Josh which was fun of course. And then when I got back home around 3:30 my house was sparkling clean and my laundry was all done and even mostly put away. Thank you, Donna! I need more days like this!

On another note, I was able to talk to my doctor (which I actually never have met and may not keep) about my slow/stalled weight loss. She was absolutely no help to me. I don't know exactly what I expected, but she didn't really seem to have any sympathy or understanding for my frustration. She told me that since I'm only 7 months postpartum I was not being patient enough because it can take up to a year to get back to normal and sometimes you just never do. Great, thanks. So much for encouragement and support. She did order a thyroid test for me which was normal and sent me on my way without even any suggestions. However, I did decide to resume the South Beach phase one which so far has been the only thing that has done anything for me. So I started that again on Monday. Today I stepped on the scale and was so excited to find out that I have finally broke through my weight loss plateau! I set up a smaller goal of weight loss for myself of 6 pounds so it doesn't feel like my goal is impossibly out of reach. And I have knocked out 2 of those 6 pounds! Hooray! Now only 4 to go. I think the key for me is to "shock" my body. Because even when I'm being really good and continuing to be really good, my weight loss stops. So I think I just need to mix it up every now and then. Well, I 'm sure that babies are in there crying now, so I'll go.

MySpace

I just wanted to let you all know that I now have a myspace page! I have had it for a while but have recently been spending more time there and have been working really hard on it and have recently added a slide show which I will be updating periodically. So check it out! There is a link to it under my links on the right side. Also if anyone else has a myspace page, let me know. I need more friends. =)

Daily Miracleburn Diary

Day 1: Sunday- I am supposed to take 2 pills in the morning on an empty stomach. I go ahead and do that and almost immediately I feel a litte funny. Kind of lightheaded and dizzy and nauseated off an on for a moment throughout the morning. It says that I am supposed to have all this energy even though it does not have caffeine in it, so I decided to forgo my morning coffee. Throughout the morning I actually feel like I need to go back to sleep..so much for the "energy boost". At noon, I take the last pill of the day and it doesn't really affect me. During the first half of the day, I didn't really notice any of my appitite being surpressed. However, I went without dinner this day and didn't really get hungry until 9-10 at night. And I decided not to eat since I was going to bed anyway. It says on the box that you are supposed to make sure you drink 8 glasses of water a day. I didn't even come close to this today but I have a plan for tomorrow so hopefully I'll get closer to this goal.

Day 2: Monday- Today I got up and took my 2 pills in the morning and they didn't really make me feel funny like they did yesterday which I was happy about. I stepped on the scale and was about 0.4 pounds lighter than yesterday, but it was still in my normal range so I'm not too excited yet. I was able to drink all my water today though. I found a technique that works for me. I bought 2 colored 32 ounce water bottles from the store and at night I filled them and put them in the fridge. I try to finish one by about 1pm and the other by about 8pm. I guess you do whatever works.

Day 3: Tuesday- Today I woke up feeling a bit skinnier, for whatever that's worth. I didn't wake up with raging hunger like I usually do, which was interesting. I stepped on the scale and was 0.2 lbs less than yesterday, but still in my "normal" range so still not real excited, but I guess we're going in the right direction. Today I will try to finish my last water before 8pm. I had to wake up around midnight to pee and who wants to do that every night?

Day 4: Wednesday..well, today I woke up and checked the scale and I was right back up where I started..so since I have been feeling no effect on my appetite, my energy or my weight, this is where my journey ends..well, my miracleburn journey anyway. My weight loss journey will continue probably for the rest of my life. Last night (Wednesday night) I was so discouraged about everything that I decided that I was going to call the doctor and see if there was anything she could suggest for me. This is real desperation for me people..I hate going to the doctor and I certianly felt as though I have had my fill of them during my pregnancy. But I feel hopeful she will be able to offer me some suggestions. I think what has discouraged me so much recently is my realization that summer is less than 3 months away. When I first started my endevor at the beginning of December I made a goal that I would be skinny by summer..in plenty of time to get cute summer clothes. I gave myself 7 months to lose 30 or so pounds. That doesn't seem terribly out of the question does it? I thought it was plenty of time. Anyway, I have since changed my goal weight to reflect what I have come to accept is a permanate side effect of pregnancy and will never go away such as my hips and other womanly attributes =) But I'm okay with that..it is probably unreasonable to assume that I could reach my highschool weight after having 5 children and really upon further consideration, I don't really want to. I actually have learned to like these new features. Anyway, I still don't know for sure how much added weight I should count on, but I know that the weight is not as important as how I feel about it. And right now I am not happy. Happier than I was in December for sure, but not completely content, nonetheless. Isn't it funny how 3 words can combine to make one word like that. I like that word..nonetheless. Well, okay, I've dragged on long enough and there's dishes to be done and house to be cleaned so I will leave it at this.

Miracleburn Diary

So this post may be a bit controversial and I'm actually a little hesitant to write it, but I'm on this new "being authentic" kick so I decided to go ahead.

Everyone knows there is no such thing as a "miracle pill" for weight loss. I know that, you know that, everyone knows that. However I have been increasingly frustrated by my slow weight loss over the last several months. I have lost 10 pounds, yes, but I have gone no further despite my continuinng running schedule, pilates and careful eating. It seems as though I have been stuck here forever. So when I see an ad in a magazine or whatever, for the latest weight loss pill, I usually will research it on the internet. Most of the time when researched outside of their own website the product seems to be nothing more than a dud. Big surprise. However I found this website called theskinnyondiets.com and it seems to be a non-biased website that reveiews every diet and pill known to man. Most of all the diet pills I looked at did not have very good reviews. They did however at the bottom of their screen have one that they did recommend. I understand that this could also be a big marketing ploy, but I guess we'll see. So I looked at their review of a product called Miracleburn. I then went to their website. If their website is full of lies, then they did a wonderful job at it. There is picture after picture and story after story about people who have lost weight with this pill. The "big breakthrough" is that it has hoodia in it which has been proven to curb appetite as well as another product that is supposed to burn fat. Most pills only have one or the other. They also promise a $10 gift card to your chosen store and a free 7 day trial. (You only have to pay for shipping.) So I guess I figured I could try it for 7 days and see what happens. If it's a total crock, at least I come out about $1.20 ahead because of the gift card. So I'm not totally wasting money, right? Well, I got my trial a couple days ago and so far I'm happy because they did in fact send the gift card. I am going to run a daily journal about what happens every day to see if anything changes. I will post my results and journal at the end of the 7 day trial. Stay tuned for the results.

Inadequate..but hopeful

**I wrote a similar post to this at the beginning of this week..after a few days, I got sort of freaked out about bearing my inner most soul for the world to read so I deleted it. However, through the encouragement of my brother-in-law I decided to be brave and re-post it. Since it had gotten deleted permanently, I had to re-write it. And if you read to the end, you'll understand why I'm so glad I did.**

I have been composing this blog in my head for several days and to be quite honest I still have no idea what is going to come out. But I feel the need to write so here I go.

Last Saturday I had a fun day with my sister doing mostly trial beauty for her upcoming wedding. One thing that we had planned on doing but ran out of time was going to the salon and getting our eyebrows waxed. After she left, I decided to go ahead on my own. As I was in the “chair of torture” the lady who was working on me commented on a pimple that I had on my chin. Through her heavy Korean accent, I understood that she was telling me that I wasn't drinking enough water and that was why I had a pimple. She told me that I needed to drink a gallon of water every single day. Yeah right. Even if I could hold that much water in me, who has the time for that? But sitting there in the chair, I began to feel discouraged. You see, I have this list of things that pop in to my head on a daily basis and on a bad day on an hourly basis it feels. It is a list full of things that I feel like I am failing at...things where my inadequacies are illuminated by a floodlight. Want to hear the list?

I am not a good enough wife.
I do not spend enough quality time with my kids.
I am not patient enough.
My kids annoy me too often.
My house is not clean enough.
I do not get to take a shower every day.
Sometimes I get so busy during the day the first time I brush my teeth is after dinner.
Laundry sometimes sits unfolded in baskets for days before it gets put away.
I constantly have things around the house that are half done. (one of my biggest pet peeves.)
My now four-year-old still has issues with potty training..I must be doing something wrong.
I let my kids play too many video games.
I let my kids watch too much tv.
I am not pretty enough.
I am not sexy enough.
I will never look like the women on tv.
I hate how my stomach looks- I'm not sure it will ever be the same after being stretched by 2 9lb boys and triplets.
I do not drink enough water.
I don't exercise enough.
It seem like sometimes I am unable to keep myself from eating things that I know aren't good for me.

In reality, the list could go on and on, but this gives you and idea. The biggest thing though is sometimes I'm almost paralyzed with fear that I am not living up to the expectations that God had when he blessed me with the huge responsibility of 5 children. I fear that I am going to do something that ruins them and causes them to need counseling when they are older.

Many people may look at me with wonder and awe (I actually have gotten that A LOT after the announcement that I have 2 boys and triplet girls.) that I am able to do everything and hold it all together. And in all honesty I think there are a lot of days where I'm amazed that things are going as smoothly as they are. But there are days too where I feel so unequipped and inadequate for this job. And Satan likes to remind me of this as often as he can. Over the last week or two I have been more and more aware of these voices in my head and I am trying to recognize them for what they are and take them captive..but it's hard!

I have been sharing some emails with my brother-in-law about this and he suggested reading Ephesians 2. There's a passage in there that I especially liked that I'd like to share. It's Ephesians 2:6-10. " And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace that you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not of works lest any man should boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

You know, as I was typing that out, God just revealed something to me. (And I know it's true because I got tingly and breathless for a moment..that's my sign that God has spoken.) That last verse..the last sentence. I know it well..it was a Rescue song for goodness sake! We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works. (God made us, He doesn't make mistakes..we were created specifically to do good works.) which God prepared in advance for us to do. I just realized that God doesn't just prepare the good works for us to do..he has specifically equipped us to do the good works that he gives us. That realization just totally rocked my world! Another verse that I have been interpreting backwards all my life! Do you know what this means? It means that God has prepared me in advance and given me everything that I need in order to be a mom of 5! It means that he has given all that is necessary for Jay to be an awesome worship leader at his church! It means that he has give Josh specific gifts in order to be a father of 5 and do the job that he does! It means that whoever you are, and whatever "good work" you've been blessed with, God has specifically equipped you to do! He equipps us first, and then he gives us the jobs that we are designed for. Wow. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, God for this insight." I guess there really was a reason that my original post got deleted and then I decided to re-write it. What a very different ending than the last one. I hope that when people read this, they can come away as encouraged as I am. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Family Resemblance?

I was looking through some old pictures of me and my family when I was growing up and I came across this picture of my sister Karie. To me it looked so similar to Ellyanna that I had to scan it an compare it to Ellyanna. It's not exactly the same of course, but I think there's a lot of similarities. What do you think?